Flirtini with Disaster

Flirtini with Disaster

Donna Ison

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Have you ever met, married, and buried someone all in the span of five minutes? You have if you’re Kat McCoy whose dating philosophy is “imagine the worst, and then expect something even worse than that.” Flirtini with Disaster follows this skeptical speed dater as she is thrust into the company of twenty eligible bachelors via the “Date and Dash.”

Once the party gets started, and Kat's overactive imagination takes over, it is one outrageous adventure after another. The night sends Kat on an involuntary journey of self-discovery that leads her to question both her sex appeal and sexuality, face the painful past that catapulted into celibacy in the first place, and admit that she’s the Dr. Frankenstein of flirting who turns every man into a monster in her mind. Come along on this wild romp through the dating world.

 

 
PUBLISHED BY: Aspen Mountain Press
ISBN: 978-1-60168-238-3
PUBLICATION DATE: 2009
WORD COUNT: 52200
SEXUAL CONTENT RATING: 4 4 4 4
EBOOK READER RATING:
CATEGORIES: Romantic Comedy, Chick Lit/Hen Lit, Contemporary, Romantic Fiction, Fantasy
KEYWORDS: Date and Dash, 20 Men in One Night, romantic comedy, baseball, dating disasters
 

EBOOKS BY Aspen Mountain Press

EBOOKS BY Donna Ison

 
EXCERPT
COPYRIGHT Donna Ison/2009

"You will spend five minutes with each prospective partner. At the end of the allotted time, I will blow this." The blonde Gestapo thrust a shiny silver whistle high above her head. "At that point, each man will end the date and dash to the next table."

I get it—Date and Dash-how not witty.

"After each encounter, you will score the date. Simply check ‘yes’ or ‘no’ in the column beside their name. If you both reply ‘yes,’ you’re a match. If ‘no,’ then better luck next time."

I was fully prepared to fill up the "no" column. Even so, I had to admit that it would make the night much more interesting if there was, at least, one solid "maybe."

"At the end of the evening, I will gather up your cards. In a couple of days, you will be notified of your matches and given their phone numbers. The rest is up to you. Any questions?"

I hadn’t seen that kind of organized prostitution since my junior high cotillions. You know, the Southern socials where Nazi chaperones make sure you dance with all the boys on your card, even if the boys on your card don’t want to dance with you.

"Now, you have fifteen minutes to get a beverage from our open bar and settle in at your tables."

Open bar! Why hadn’t somebody said so? I could make it through the apocalypse, as long as there was free liquor involved.

"First, I want to share a personal story about what the Date and Dash has meant to me."

No! I want my free booze.

"Without the Date and Dash, I would not be the woman that I am today, literally. If I hadn’t met Saul, at one of these events, I could never have afforded these lips, these hips, or a voice coach to get rid of my Arkansas accent."

That explained the Euro-trash dialect.

"But don’t worry, men. It works both ways. If I hadn’t been forced to, I wouldn't have given Saul the time of day, but now he gets to snuggle up to this every night." She did a precise pivot, so we could see this from every angle. "Now, I do not want any fraternization between the sexes outside of the ordained time. So, ladies, go to the bar on your right. Gentlemen, to the rear."

The herd of men stampeded toward the back. I rushed to the side bar and fell in behind the giggling gaggle of assorted sorbets. They each, in turn, ordered a white wine and scurried away to their tables.

When I stepped up, the bartender was already holding a goblet. "Let me guess? Chardonnay."

"Wrong."

"White Zin, then?"

"Wrong, again."

"What then?"

"Two Makers rocks, one Flirtini, shot of Jaggermeister."

"Are you serious?"

"Like a terrorist threat."

"Great. How about adding a beer to wash it down?"

"I like the way you think."

"I like the way you drink."

"I try not to make a habit of it, so don’t get the wrong idea. The Flirtini is purely a prop, and the Jaggermeister is only in case of an emergency."

"What about the bourbon?"

"Oh, I’m gonna’ drink the hell out of that. I need all the alcoholic assistance I can get."


 

 
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